It’s Going to Get Worse Before it Gets Better

Sometimes a life lesson hits you over the head at the most unexpected times.  For me, it was at my sweet 10 year old’s piano lesson a few weeks ago. 

Emma was feeling pretty good about a Frozen piece she had been practicing when we went to her weekly piano lesson and she showed her teacher.  I watched Ms. Becky as she listened carefully and circled a few places in the book toward the beginning of the piece, then put her pencil down and settled in to enjoy the rest of Emma’s song.  She smiled and praised my daughter for her hard work in figuring out how to play the piece.

“But,” she turned slightly serious, “there were several places where your fingering wasn’t right and the rhythms weren’t played as written.  It still sounds very good, but if you want to master this piece, you are going to have to UNLEARN a lot of what you’ve already taught yourself. I would be willing to help you and to keep working on this, but you may just want to keep playing it the way it is, because it sounds pretty good.  It’s your choice, but if you want me to help you get better, you’re going to have to get a lot worse, first.”

I watched my daughter as she thought about the option her teacher laid before her:

1) Present good versus future great, with a ton of work in the middle, or

2) Sound just fine to most people and avoid all the work and pain of unlearning and relearning. 

I couldn’t help but think that this question is also laid before us in the spiritual life.  Most of us have friends and neighbors who think we’re “pretty good people.”  I mean, to the untrained eye, we may seem like we have it together in our marriage, in our family, AND in our spiritual lives.  But the Lord does not give us just a cursory glance,

“I the Lord test the mind and search the heart,
to give to all according to their ways, according to the fruit of their doings.”

Jeremiah 17:10

He asks us the question: are you willing to settle for being “okay” or do you want to do the hard and hidden work to “be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect”?  Matt 5:48.  When we work on our virtues, we oftentimes have to unlearn our bad habits, things that might be crutches for us and help us be our “okay” selves, but keep us from who we are made to be.  If we decide to really try to become the “best version of ourselves” we are likely going to find that we get worse before we get better.

My daughter didn’t think about it for very long.  “I want you to help me,” she told her patient teacher.  She now has many more hours of practice ahead of her, and I get to hear “Let it Go” about a hundred more times than I would have, but I am proud of my little girl. I hope it is just one of many such choices in her life to choose to do the hard and often hidden work to become the best she can be.

Talking to Myself

I remember my own mom lamenting dozens of times that even though she had five kids, she often felt like she was talking to herself for all that we listened to her. Well I had that same experience a few weeks ago, though it wasn't at all what I thought my mom meant when she said it!

I called up a friend and asked her if she could meet me for a chat. We set up a date at a nearby park where my children could play and we could walk around. I was kind of a mess--feeling overwhelmed with this and that, and struggling with different relationships.  My wise friend patiently listened to me and said, "Oh no!" and "That's terrible!" at all the right times.  As we walked around the park, I devised my plan for dealing with the great turmoil I saw in my life, though I just felt agitated and not peaceful.

Just then, one of my children burst in on my "adult problems" with a decidedly "kid problem."  Tears and anger and crossed arms, combined with a storming stomp led to the announcement of her difficulty: "She called me MEAN!" 

I excused myself from my friend, who stepped to the side, still within an earshot.  After bringing over the name-calling child, I discovered that the whole problem was over passage over the monkey bars. One wouldn't move, the other skipped the "ask nicely" step and went straight to name-calling.  I think they were both a little extra tired and cranky, too.  Both were at fault, both were right that the other wasn't being charitable.  And they were both miserable on a beautiful day at the park.

I crouched down with them and explained that both of them were focused on the wrong thing.  We are supposed to be loving each other, not focusing on what the other was doing wrong.  They were focused on their presumably justified anger, not how to build a loving and peaceful family, or how to make our time at the park a fun time for each other (not just themselves).  "We have to shift our focus from the one who has wronged us, to what we can do to bring love and peace to our family." 

As I sent them off to a nearby picnic table to work things out (which they did easily--one of them started telling jokes and they were all giggles and friends again), my friend walked slowly back to me. 

We both knew immediately that all the wisdom I was looking for while walking around the park, I heard myself say when I was talking to my kids.  It wasn't even that I felt like I was talking to myself. I felt like I was the child and God was talking to me!  How much He loves me, to correct my vision in such a gentle and patient way.

The "adult" problems we have are oftentimes nothing more than a storm in a teacup. It's like we're all kids on a playground, and God is the one walking around the outside, waiting for us to come to Him for help.  I just needed a shift in perspective.  I have way more in common with the kids playing in the park than I do with God who is walking around it. 

Parental wisdom  is a gift from God to help us raise our children well. And if you listen to yourself carefully, you might just hear your Father's gentle voice talking to you!