Do You Love Me?

Each day at mass after the Great Amen and the Our Father, as the moment nears when the people are to receive Jesus in the Eucharist, there is a collective moment when everyone turns their attention away from Our Lord who just became present on the altar, and toward each other: The Sign of Peace.

There is no small amount of discussion in liturgical circles about whether it would be better to move this sometimes noisy, sometimes awkward gesture to a place earlier in the mass or even to take it out completely. I mean, it's so distracting, right? Sometimes when the moment comes to offer our neighbor a sign of Christ's peace, the din that ensues is anything but peaceful. Is it really necessary or can we just get rid of it?

To forgive or to forgo?

Remember that the Sign of Peace happens about 30 seconds after we say these words in the Our Father: "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." In essence we just told God that He only has to forgive if we forgive others and that we are sorry for what we've done. It's easy to say those words sometimes without realizing that action needs to follow it up.

Over the course of almost 15 years of marriage, there have been (ahem) a few times that my husband and I have arrived at Mass on not the best terms ever. Something may have been done or said that morning or earlier that week that threw a deep divide in our marital bliss.

I remember a particular time when I spent most of the mass brooding over injury and not paying terribly close attention to the homily... But I knew it was coming... that moment when I would have to choose to forgive or to forgo receiving our Lord in the Eucharist.

You see, before we got married, my husband and I developed the habit of always giving one another the kiss of peace first, then going on to the other people around us. If I skipped him over, it would be a deliberate decision not to reconcile.

"Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift." Matthew 5:23-24

Do You Love Me?

As I knelt during the Eucharistic prayer, I felt a tension building in me. Deep inside I heard the echo of Jesus's question to St. Peter so long ago, "Do you love Me?" I responded to Him as He became present on the altar: "Yes Lord, you know that I love you."

"If anyone says, "I love God," but hates his brother, he is a liar; for whoever does not love a brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen." 1 John 4:20

As we stood to pray the Our Father, again I heard the question posed,"Which is more important to you: this grudge you are holding in your heart, or Me? You cannot hold on to both."

It wasn't until the moment when Father began this prayer that my icy heart finally began to melt:

"Lord Jesus Christ, you said to your apostles: I leave you peace, my peace I give you. Look not on our sins, but on the faith of your Church, and grant us the peace and unity of your kingdom where you live for ever and ever."

My husband and I did exchange the kiss of peace that day. When I received Communion moments later, I felt a flood of peace enter my soul, probably because I had so recently made room for my Lord in my heart.

The Second is Like It

Among the myriad of other blessings our family receives while attending mass each week, the Sign of Peace is one of the most simple and profound. It makes it impossible for our grudges to get set in concrete, so to speak, because we have to choose to allow the waters of His mercy flow to into our relationship.

"...[O]ne of them tested him by asking, "Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?" He said to him, "You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments." Matthew 22:35-40.

So for any of you who may be influential in the discussion of where and whether to have this important gesture included in the Mass just before communion, consider this: it can save marriages! Rather than being a distraction from the most important thing (worship of God), the Sign of Peace can serve as a regular challenge to grow and purify our love of God through love, mercy, and forgiveness of our neighbor.