Unconditionally

I had a plan.

Knowing that my husband would be gone for more than two weeks this December, I had lists and ideas and great hopes for the gift I would give my husband for Christmas: a clean house.

Aside from a few near occasions of sin that surround trying to accomplish this goal as a single parent of 6 children, and some actual occasions (thank you, Jesus, for the Sacrament of Reconciliation!), I accomplished my goal. I rid my home of 50+ totes of clutter and trash and clothes and shoes that we'd been holding on to over the course of 6 children and 14 nieces and nephews who have been sharing clothes. Clean at last! Even the garage got a "scrubbing" before my darling husband returned.

He returned after a 14 hour drive and was very patient and kind as the girls excitedly showed him around our now-orderly (and in some places, newly-painted) home. It was about an hour in when my exhausted husband off-handedly noted behind me as I was cleaning up the dinner dishes: "Looks like we're back to filling the junk drawer up with junk."

I was heartbroken. I brooded for a while over this slight, and tried not to be angry at him for noticing "the one thing I didn't get to,"

I thought for a long while about why this bothered me so much in that moment. I already know that my husband does not love me because I am such a stellar housekeeper. He loves me for me, praise God, and he tolerates my tornado tendencies. He does his best to love me unconditionally, even if he gets frustrated with me sometimes for my faults. Usually I am happy with being loved unconditionally because I know that I could never earn his love. This time, though, I really wanted to be loved for what I had done because I thought it was perfect... Except I can never be perfect.

The best part of me didn't do all that hard work because I wanted my husband to be happy with me, but because I wanted him to be happy. Period. I have to be content with being loved for who I am, not for what I do, even when what I do seems pretty great to me.

As I was headed to early morning adoration last Friday, I began to understand that if I am not careful, I do this same thing with God. I sometimes try to earn His love by the good things I do, and I am heartbroken when I fail.

Just like with my husband, I could never earn God's conditional love. He knows me too well. I can, however, bloom and grow and produce great fruit in the freedom of knowing the God loves me unconditionally. He doesn't need me to be perfect, he just needs me to remain with Him.

As I look in the eyes of baby Jesus this Christmas, I pray that He will teach me to love Him and others the way that He loves me.

He comes as such a helpless baby. He didn't come on Christmas Night with miracles and power, He came tiny hands and trusting eyes.

In the baby Jesus, we can love our God not because He gives us all the things on our Christmas list this year, but because He gives Himself. And so I ask for the grace this Christmas to give the Him myself in return.

Unconditionally.

When God Will Be All in All

To celebrate the beginning of Advent, our Level III (4th-6th grade) children studied the Prophecy of the Shoot of Jesse and the Peaceable Kingdom last week. You would be amazed at the quality of theologians we have in this parish.

This was the passage we focused on:

"The wolf shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid, and the calf and the lion and the fatling together, and a little child shall lead them. 

The cow and the bear shall feed; their young shall lie down together; and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. The sucking child shall play over the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the adder's den. 

They shall not hurt or destroy in all my holy mountain; for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the LORD as the waters cover the sea. 

In that day the root of Jesse shall stand as an ensign to the peoples; him shall the nations seek, and his dwellings shall be glorious." Isaiah 11:6-10 RSV

They knew that Isaiah was speaking to the people of Israel in a time of darkness. Their "glory days" seemed to be in the past (the Kingdom of Israel was split into North and South). The immediate future wasn't looking so great for them either (Babylonian exile). But here in Isaiah it seems that the prophet is trying to teach the people to listen to God and to wait in HOPE for something.

"It sounds like the the time when God will be all in all," one of the 4th grade girls offered. "Of course, Isaiah is talking about when the Messiah comes, but he's really talking about the Parousia," submitted a 6th grader in a different session.

Spending time in the atrium with the children of our parish, I am growing in my faith and perspective each year. Advent is a time of year when we listen to the prophets who prepare us for "a great light" and "a child [who] will be born to us," but as I listen carefully with these children, I can't help but realize that Advent is not primarily a celebration of Jesus' birthday. For us, it is a reminder of the hope which His Birth gives for the Parousia. (We say it Pair-uh-SEE-uh).

The time is coming when there will be no more war, no more hunger, no more wailing or pain, no more tears, and no more death. Parousia: when God will be all in all and His Kingdom will have no end.

"So," I asked the children at the end of one atrium session's reflection, "as we spend time in Advent preparing, what should we be preparing for?"

"Parousia," a child responded, as they all nodded their heads.

"And how do we do that?" I wondered.

"Well," (and I am not kidding you, a child actually said this), "we do what we can to make the world like Isaiah said: we feed the hungry, we make ourselves more like God wants us to be, so we're ready."

Let us follow the shining example of these wise children and do the same. One day, God WILL be All in All. Let us make Him so in our hearts today!