Good Will Hunting

I remember the moment, 15 years ago, when I lay in the dark and prayed: "God, please give me a friend."

I was newly married, a new mom, in a new community, and I barely knew anyone. No one invited me over for coffee and a chat. No one came over for supper and drinks. Praise God I had aunts and uncles nearby, but in the day-to-day grind, I was pretty lonely. I was hunting for a new friend.

I didn't know what I was looking for. But even at 23 years old, I already knew that friendships don't always go smoothly. The problem of friendship is deeply linked to the problem of being human: how terrifying it is that we aren't perfect. Our great fear is that one day people are going to find us out and realize that we're a hot mess hiding behind smoke and mirrors and be done with us.

I have some regrets in friendship in my life. Even in my zeal to be a good person or to do the right thing, I have sometimes hurt people. Some of my friends have done the same to me. Navigating the right course of action isn't always easy, and despite our best intentions, we sometimes miss the mark. But if being perfect is a condition of being someone's friend, I think we are all doomed to a lonely existence.

I remember reading in my favorite book, Searching for and Maintaining Peace by Father Jacques Phillippe, about the most important condition for maintaining interior peace. I think it is probably the most important condition for friendship as well: Goodwill.

"It is the stable and constant disposition of a person who is determined more than anything to love God, who desires sincerely to prefer in all circumstances the will of God to his own, who does not wish to consciously  refuse anything to God. Maybe (and even certainly) in everyday life, his behavior will not be in perfect harmony with this desire, this intention...Following moments of eventual failure, he will strive to come back to his usual disposition of wanting to say "yes" to God in all things, without exception." (p. 17).

When we are searching for travelling companions on this journey of life, the most important quality to search for is not talent or skill, humor, gentleness, or even kindness. Beneath everything, the one disposition of heart that will set a great friend apart from an acquaintance is this virtue.

God has answered my prayer for friends more abundantly than I could have ever imagined possible long ago in that dark bedroom in the middle of the night. Each seems to have this one beautiful thing in common: no matter their personality, disposition, or even temper, when I look deeply and carefully, I find goodwill in the heart of each one. If you are lonely as I was, I encourage you to pray for a friend and the virtue of good will in your own heart, then, go goodwill hunting. By God's grace, you will find it.

Risk the Descant

The first weeks of the atrium are always interesting. Bringing in a couple dozen new children who are under 4 years old, it's not surprising that it takes a while for everyone to get used to a new routine, a new way of living and being together. In these first few weeks, we see some children who seem to be seeking out the edges, searching for what's allowed and what's not allowed. It is part of the process of figuring out what kind of world we live in. "Is this okay? How about this?" Some children don't seem to do this very much and go along and get along pretty easily, while others do it Every. Single. Minute.  It's like trying to lead a choir to sing in unison, with someone boldly risking the descant part and missing the mark.

Most of us, if we can sing at all, are comfortable singing the notes that everyone else sings. The majority of us aren't exactly solo types. If we've been in a really good choir for a while, we could even venture into some 4-part harmonies (written on the page for us to practice), where we can sing along with someone else on a harmony part while others carry the melody.

This reminds me of the Level I atrium. Some children are good little "choral singers" and can find the unison part right away. They pick up on the expectations of how we will live in community together. Other children might need some one-on-one practice. Just like you can't really sing in a choir if you don't know some of the basics about singing, the grace and courtesy lessons in the CGS atrium help build the skills necessary for community living.

But there is another aspect to choral singing that reminds me of atrium life: the descant. It takes a great amount of courage to try to pick out a harmony without someone else to help you, or if you are really inventing it as you go. It is much easier to go VERY wrong, and you might get a few looks from the others in the choir as you're working on it. When it is done well, however, it adds a richness and beauty to the whole song. Not everyone can be a descant singer. You have to be confident, strong-voiced, and very brave. Not to mention a very good singer.

I wonder if some of the children in the atrium who we think are "testing the boundaries" might actually be the equivalent of our future atrium descant singers. They are seeking to belong and to create peace in the community, but it is difficult to do when you aren't acting in unison with the others in the group. They want to sing along, but for one reason or another they are drawn to searching out a different part than everyone else.

Life is a lot more interesting when you meet those brave souls that can risk being fun, unexpected, and surprising. In the beginning, the child may have just seemed like a bad singer who missed the mark, but well-encouraged and carefully observed, our role is to recognize that this present difficulty may be a sign of something extraordinary: someone who is willing to risk the descant. Let us do all we can to help them sing it well!

The Venerable Fulton

I really couldn't let it pass that not one, but two, babies born to catechists in our CGS program this past month were named Fulton. In speaking to one of the families, it turns out that there is another baby boy sporting that name at a nearby parish as well. All of these babies seem to have one fabulous thing in common: their parents are greatly inspired by and devoted to a remarkable man of the past century: the Venerable Fulton John Sheen.

It is something of a Catholic tradition to choose names for our children that are chosen from great saints and biblical heroes whom we hope our children will emulate. It is also a way to ask for a special patron for our child. It isn't just because her name is so beautiful that you find so many Catholic girls named Mary!

Fulton Sheen is probably best known for his TV and Radio programs, the most memorable of which is called "Life is Worth Living." Can you imagine one of the most popular broadcasts of the 50s and 60s consisting solely of a man in clerical garb speaking for an hour in front of a chalkboard?? He even won the Emmy for Most Outstanding Television Personality twice!

Now it is easy to listen to his timeless talks via apps and youtube and websites online. He proved that the truth and holiness is attractive and that being a saint simply means being who you were made to be. In Archbishop Sheen's case, God used his extraordinary talent to spread His message in a totally new way.

Though I doubt you will see the name "Fulton" topping the list of most popular boy names soon, I am excited to watch these little boys grow into the great name they have been given. And who knows? Perhaps the cause for Archbishop Sheen's canonization will progress as quickly as we all hope, so that when these little boys reach the age of Confirmation their venerable name will be one of a canonized saint!

Join us pho dinner!

Our Catechesis of the Good Shepherd year officially begins this next week (September 12th and 13th). We serve the children in our parish who are infants (really!) up through 6th graders. This year we have almost 200 children and 67 volunteers who will serve them over the course of four sessions. We are especially grateful to the Knights of Columbus who will be serving as our hospitality ministers and hallway monitors on Wednesday nights. It is such a joy to see the whole parish pitching in to keep our young people safe!

To celebrate the beginning of our year, our program would like to cordially invite you ALL to come for a special Pho Dinner on Wednesday, 9/12, either for lunch from 11:30am-12:30pm or for supper from 5:30-6:30pm in the parish hall. This dinner (which is a Vietnamese chicken noodle soup or fried rice) is free-will donation and proceeds will support our CGS program. (Want to help out? Click here!)

If you can't make it on Wednesday (and even if you can!) you can also celebrate the beginning of the year by participating in the parish Donut Sunday next weekened (9/17) which happens to be Catechetical Sunday. We will have our atria (rooms) open downstairs after both masses for you to take a look. You will be amazed at all that our parish volunteer catechists, assistants, and of course many generous and talented parishioners have accomplished. Our spaces are prepared and ready, and our newly-carpeted St. Dominic room is adorned with photos from Father Harris's parish trip to the Holy Land from a few years ago, and some beautiful prints of Pope St. John Paul II's visit to a CGS atrium in Rome.

All Saints has a long history of making children's formation a priority, and we are proud to carry on that tradition. Thank you for your support!