"God is God, and I am Not"

The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this prayer to himself,
‘O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity --
greedy, dishonest, adulterous -- or even like this tax collector. 
I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income.’ 

Luke 18:11-12

Have you ever felt the crushing pain of self-knowledge or self-loathing? Have you ever put on so convincing a mask over the "real you" that you even you can't see through it sometimes?

Each time this parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector is read, I consider this sleight of hand or master illusion that the Pharisee is trying to pull off. "Lord, don't look at me. Look at these other people. Yes, let's both stand here looking at them together. I am much more like YOU, Lord, than I am like this tax collector! Let me just list all of the great things about me!"

I suppose it is possible that a Pharisee with this disposition could believe his words and go home self-satisfied. But I doubt it.

When we consider what it means to be humble, as compared what it means to be full of pride, I think that this parable is a great teacher.

The poor tax collector stood in the back not to be hidden, but because he was fully exposed to the God who made him. Because of this, he could not even raise his eyes. There, in the gaze of the God of the Universe, he was laid bare and begged for mercy. He knew who he was, but more importantly, he knew who he wasn't: he was not God.

Unlike the poor Pharisee, he knew that God gives mercy and love because of the greatness of God, not the greatness of man. The tax collector in the story could be fully and completely his flawed self before his God, and still beg for forgiveness and mercy.

The Pharisee may have gone home self-satisfied, but Jesus teaches us that only one went home justified.

Last weekend at training, one of the catechists shared how her young son prays everyday this beautiful prayer: "God is God, and I am not."

How comforting to know that I need not climb onto a pedestal to be close to my Creator, because Lord knows that I would just fall off. I can take off the mask and come to him in all my brokenness, confident that this great Lover of my soul will hear my prayer for mercy.