Growing Up Together

One of my favorite parts of seminal family gatherings is running into my cousin, Matt. Matt's a few years younger than I am, and while we didn't exactly grow up together, it is awesome that he's in Des Moines now, currently working toward his degree at Drake University. Since the birth of his daughter a little over a year ago, we've had some really amazing conversations about children, education, and life in general. This Super Bowl Party at my parents' house last week was no exception.

Looking at the world around us, we both were a little disheartened by how divided the world seems to be and wondered if it is not getting worse instead of better. "It makes you wonder," he ventured, "if it is the right thing to do to bring children into this mess." He caught the look on my face and immediately said what I was thinking, "But it's only the good kids who were raised well who are going to change things." He went on to say how he's starting to really realize how serious this parenting thing is.

"We don't do the baby-talk thing anymore. She might only be a year old, but she is intelligent, she can understand. It's like when we look at her now, we see her future self, and we need to equip her to be that woman."

Maria Montessori used to say that the child is the only one who can do the very important work of building a man, but as I discussed with my cousin, the child's work is not just that of self-discovery and development into an adult. The child also has a irreplaceable role in maturing the adults in his life. Montessori went so far as to call it "the apostolate of the child."

Curse words, inappropriate jokes and conversations, lewd commercials and even violence suddenly become far worse when the adult sees them through the eyes of a child. "There are kids in the room!" "There are children here!" Praise God, immature behavior usually changes when there are children around.

It is most surprising when impatience and selfishness in the adult gives way to the genuine needs of a helpless infant or child. I heard the story of a mother of 7 in a doctor's waiting room who was told, "Wow! 7 children? You are a more patient woman than I am!" The mother responded, "I find that with each child I become more patient. But really, I'm still very impatient. I could probably still use a few more."

It's kind of funny that we become parents under this one-sided idea that we will "raise" our children, or that we will help them grow up. This is definitely true, but without little ones in our lives, I'm not sure that any of us would ever really grow up. Children are the best hope of the world not just for the adults they may become, but for the adults they help us to become. I find it pretty cool that even though my cousin and I spent most of our childhoods states apart, because of our little ones, we still get to grow up together.

"Taking a child he placed it in their midst, and putting his arms around it he said to them,'Whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me; and whoever receives me, receives not me but the One who sent me.'" Mark 9:36-37