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Monday, June 5, 2017

Wonder Woman

One of my favorite programs on Catholic Radio when my children were younger was Dr. Ray Guarendi's call-in show at noon. His confident responses to parental woes gave me so much confidence when navigating the sometimes troubled waters of parenthood.

There was the time he counseled a mom to get a Wonder Woman costume, for example. She was struggling with getting her children to respect her, so (in jest, I think) he suggested buying and donning the costume, coming home and kicking the door down, putting her hands on her hips and announcing: "Mom's Home!" 

Whenever I felt powerless in front of my small children, I would remember Dr. Ray and the Wonder Woman costume. Sometimes I really needed it. In fact, I remember a particularly difficult time when one of my children had grown so stubborn that it was actually hurting her. She had become an extremely picky eater, and I felt that this required every ounce of my own "Wonder Woman" powers to overcome.

Picky eaters seem to be a part of every family's life. I remember encountering a young boy at a family event who would only eat french fries and chicken nuggets for a stretch of his childhood. Now, my darling daughter wasn't that extreme, but it seemed like every single meal was a battle. She would come to the stove and get up on her tippy toes to see what was in the pot. Unless it was macaroni and cheese and hot dogs, she was inevitably demoralized. My mother-in-law had told me of my husband's childhood penchant to "fall asleep" at meals he didn't care to eat, and this little girl used that trick plus dozens more to escape assaulting her taste buds with the likes of green beans or chicken pot pie. Her favorite method was to whine and complain and make everyone else miserable if the meal wasn't to her liking, and there was nothing I could do to make her stop her ranting or to eat her dinner.

Dr. Ray fielded a phone call about children who think they are in control of the family every time I listened in to his show, so I had a decent idea of what he'd say. "You have the power, Mama," he'd encourage. "You can give them only green beans for a week if you need to. They need to know you're the boss. They'll give in." Well, I tried this tactic and I discovered a stubbornness in my child that can only be the product of BOTH of her parents put together. She was faced with the same rejected meal for 5 meals in a row (lunch, supper, and even breakfast), yet she still refused.

My imagined "Wonder Woman" costume was not working. My poor girl wasn't learning to be less picky, she was making herself sick! I realized that this approach of appealing to her stomach and natural hungers to help me teach her was not enough. My poor 7 year old daughter was weak, her stomach hurt, and she was laying on her bed unable to do anything. I needed to go to her heart.

Out of desperation, I prayed to God for insight and tried to talk to her.

"Why do you think we eat?" I asked her.

"Because it tastes good," she responded.

"Nope. Not even close. It is really nice when food tastes good to us, but we don't eat because it gives us pleasure. We eat because we need food to live." This seemed like an acceptable reason to her, so I continued. "But I think there's a bigger question, why are we alive?"

This question surprised her, but she's always had a spiritual sensitivity that responds well to questions like these, so I wasn't surprised when she perked up. "Because God made us."

"But why did God make us?"

"Because He loves us, and wanted us to be with Him."

"Yes. He made us to know Him and to love Him. But sweetheart, He also made us to serve Him. He has so many good things for you to do today."

I suddenly thought of a verse I looked up later from Ephesians 2: "For we are his handiwork, created in Christ Jesus for the good works that God has prepared in advance, that we should live in them."

"God planned those good works for you, but if you don't eat, you won't be able to do those things. Do you love God?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to serve Him?"

"Yes."

"Then you need to eat, honey. You've made yourself weak and sick because you said no to food that was good for you. You've already missed out on some of the things God gave you to do today." (Her face fell in such disappointment in that moment). "But there are still more good works for you to do! Are you ready to try again?"

To my amazement, she sat up and ate the offending green beans and casserole with only minimal grimacing. 

I never pushed her so hard again, but she also has never dug her heels in that far, either. It's funny though, because I realized that this victory didn't belong to me. It belonged to my child who made a conscious and incredibly difficult choice to overcome her stubborn nature and choose to serve her God. In truth, it was my little girl who was Wonder Woman that day. I just helped her discover her own power to choose the best things for her life.

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