Monday, October 19, 2015
What's Left
Our family has had a pretty good string of mornings lately where we have had some good breakfast Bible time. When our family routine works out, we'll eat breafast together and read the daily readings for Mass that day.
When our children were younger, we would just read the Gospel of the day, but now we will go through the day's readings with me reading the first reading and psalm, a (usually) lovely rendition of the Alleluia verse led by our 4 and 8 year olds, and Dad reading the Gospel. Then we'll often go around the table and just say one word or phrase that stuck out to us. Most of the time, it ends there and we finish up our breakfast, but sometimes something amazing happens.
In last week's readings, Jesus was being especially tough on the Pharisees. After reading about how that generation would be "charged with the blood of all the prophets from the foundation of the world..." there was a heavy silence at the table. Our oldest stated honestly, "I don't think that Jesus sounded very merciful to the Pharisees."
Matt and I exchanged glances and were about to join in the conversation, when our 8 year old surprised us by jumping to Jesus' defense.
"I think he was merciful," she offered between bites of cereal, "but they rejected his mercy. Then, all that was left was his justice."
We were speechless, and honestly, there wasn't much else to say anyway. I thought a lot that day and in the days that followed about how important it is to accept God's mercy in my life (and to offer it to others). I definitely don't want what's left over!
Such wisdom "from the mouths of babes" was also a humbling example of how God the Father speaks to his children through the living Word. It was a poignant reminder to my husband and I of just how important it is to our family to give God the firstfruits of our day in reflection, and not just what's left at the end!
Monday, October 12, 2015
Prayer Table in the Home
Prominent in every Catechesis of the Good Shepherd atrium is a corner where the children gather (and sometimes go alone) for quiet and prayer. As I was talking with veteran parents in our program this year about how CGS has affected their family, several parents told me that the biggest change for them has been the addition of a prayer table in their home.
What is a prayer table?
Inez, our parish housekeeper, often shares stories of her mother and grandmothers who would have a small table that was always decorated with religious items like rosaries, a bible, pretty flowers, and even beautiful wrapping paper that was saved from birthdays or Christmas. She told me how her grandmother made it a priority to always have enough "candle money" to keep a vigil candle there.
The prayer table in the atrium is a lot like this, yet simpler, so that the young child can prepare it on his or her own. On a shelf or in a basket next to a low table, we have 4 different colored cloths (purple, green, red, and white)--one for each liturgical season. The child will make sure that the prayer table cloth matches the color he or she sees Father wearing at Mass.
There is also a bible stand, a beautiful, yet small, bible (to which the children show tender and awed reverence), a small candle, and a few options for little statues that the child may place. There is also a basket of prayer cards with simple (for the youngest children) and then more complex prayers and psalms written on them (at home we have many saint cards and holy cards, too). There are also options for beautiful art and often the table will be decorated by the children with flowers.
One parent in particular told me how her 5 year old son will bring her to the prayer table in their home throughout the day, just to offer quick prayers for people he loves. Having a holy place prepared in our homes is a great reminder of the sacred that is all around us, and more importantly it is a call to prayer!
Prayer Cloths Available!
Shepherd's Staff is the regional board that serves Catechesis of the Good Shepherd catechists in Iowa, and they have put together this beautiful collection of prayer cloths for the atrium and for home! BONUS: proceeds from the sale of the cloths helps to provide scholarships for CGS trainings!
The cloths are $30 with shipping, but to save on shipping, we have a dozen or so sets available at All Saints for $25. First come, first served! If there is high demand, we'll put in another order.
What is a prayer table?
Inez, our parish housekeeper, often shares stories of her mother and grandmothers who would have a small table that was always decorated with religious items like rosaries, a bible, pretty flowers, and even beautiful wrapping paper that was saved from birthdays or Christmas. She told me how her grandmother made it a priority to always have enough "candle money" to keep a vigil candle there.
The prayer table in the atrium is a lot like this, yet simpler, so that the young child can prepare it on his or her own. On a shelf or in a basket next to a low table, we have 4 different colored cloths (purple, green, red, and white)--one for each liturgical season. The child will make sure that the prayer table cloth matches the color he or she sees Father wearing at Mass.
There is also a bible stand, a beautiful, yet small, bible (to which the children show tender and awed reverence), a small candle, and a few options for little statues that the child may place. There is also a basket of prayer cards with simple (for the youngest children) and then more complex prayers and psalms written on them (at home we have many saint cards and holy cards, too). There are also options for beautiful art and often the table will be decorated by the children with flowers.
One parent in particular told me how her 5 year old son will bring her to the prayer table in their home throughout the day, just to offer quick prayers for people he loves. Having a holy place prepared in our homes is a great reminder of the sacred that is all around us, and more importantly it is a call to prayer!
Prayer Cloths Available!
Shepherd's Staff is the regional board that serves Catechesis of the Good Shepherd catechists in Iowa, and they have put together this beautiful collection of prayer cloths for the atrium and for home! BONUS: proceeds from the sale of the cloths helps to provide scholarships for CGS trainings!
The cloths are $30 with shipping, but to save on shipping, we have a dozen or so sets available at All Saints for $25. First come, first served! If there is high demand, we'll put in another order.
Monday, September 7, 2015
Rule #1
In our house, we have a short list of rules. Some are silly like Rule #3: "Don't sit in Mom's camp chair" and some sound silly, but really are serious like Rule #5: "Don't melt on a rainy day."
Rule #1 was established a while ago, but I didn't realize how important this rule would be for our family when I made it. What is Rule #1?
Two words: Keep Calm.
When you live in a house with as many girls in it as I do, it is important to have proper rules in place to limit drama. It is worth almost any effort to avoid the "freakout snowball" whence everyone in the house melts to pieces over something that is relatively trivial, say, a missing hairbrush when we running are late. Hence: The Rules.
Yet, while I knew Rule #1 was a practical necessity, I did not realize how much it was also a spiritually-practical necessity until reading a small but life-changing book called Searching For and Maintaining Peace by Father Jacques Philippe. It seems every new section explored new reasons why maintaining a calmness of spirit, or seeking always to hold on to that peace that passes understanding, is the #1 Rule in the spiritual life.
I've been at this spiritual life thing since I was baptized several decades ago. I have to admit I was really taken aback to realize that I missed this rather key point: The quest for peace should take precedence over every other spiritual pursuit (including virtue building or building a strong prayer life). Yet Father Philippe's arguments for seeking peace as the first goal of the spiritual life were rock solid:
1. God is the God of Peace, not of turmoil.
2. God can't work in your soul if you don't let Him.
In short: if we want God to act, we have to simmer down and actually let Him take control.
So whether we are dealing with small things like missing hairbrushes, silly things like someone sitting in our favorite chair, or big things like facing a terrible enemy in a difficult situation, we must not be so foolish as to face our difficulties alone and handle it with our own feeble power.
We must always remember Rule #1:
"It would be well to keep this in mind, because, quite often in the daily unfolding of our Christian life it happens that we fight the wrong battle...We fight on a terrain where the devil subtly drags us and can vanquish us, instead of fighting on the real battlefield..."
"The believer, throughout the entire battle, whatever the degree of violence, will strive to maintain peace of heart in order to allow the God of Armies to fight for him." Fr. Jacques Philippe
Rule #1 was established a while ago, but I didn't realize how important this rule would be for our family when I made it. What is Rule #1?
Two words: Keep Calm.
When you live in a house with as many girls in it as I do, it is important to have proper rules in place to limit drama. It is worth almost any effort to avoid the "freakout snowball" whence everyone in the house melts to pieces over something that is relatively trivial, say, a missing hairbrush when we running are late. Hence: The Rules.
Yet, while I knew Rule #1 was a practical necessity, I did not realize how much it was also a spiritually-practical necessity until reading a small but life-changing book called Searching For and Maintaining Peace by Father Jacques Philippe. It seems every new section explored new reasons why maintaining a calmness of spirit, or seeking always to hold on to that peace that passes understanding, is the #1 Rule in the spiritual life.
I've been at this spiritual life thing since I was baptized several decades ago. I have to admit I was really taken aback to realize that I missed this rather key point: The quest for peace should take precedence over every other spiritual pursuit (including virtue building or building a strong prayer life). Yet Father Philippe's arguments for seeking peace as the first goal of the spiritual life were rock solid:
1. God is the God of Peace, not of turmoil.
2. God can't work in your soul if you don't let Him.
In short: if we want God to act, we have to simmer down and actually let Him take control.
So whether we are dealing with small things like missing hairbrushes, silly things like someone sitting in our favorite chair, or big things like facing a terrible enemy in a difficult situation, we must not be so foolish as to face our difficulties alone and handle it with our own feeble power.
We must always remember Rule #1:
"It would be well to keep this in mind, because, quite often in the daily unfolding of our Christian life it happens that we fight the wrong battle...We fight on a terrain where the devil subtly drags us and can vanquish us, instead of fighting on the real battlefield..."
"The believer, throughout the entire battle, whatever the degree of violence, will strive to maintain peace of heart in order to allow the God of Armies to fight for him." Fr. Jacques Philippe
Monday, August 31, 2015
Nemo Dat, Quo Non Habet
Last weekend, several parish catechists and a few tag-alongs joined in a retreat at Conception Abbey in Missouri celebrating the completion of our 10th year of Catechesis of the Good Shepherd at All Saints.
The theme of the retreat which was facilitated by the very talented Katie
Patrizio was "Mercy: The
Message of the Catechist." Katie closed the retreat with
reflections on this question:
"Which is the most important thing: to love or to be loved?"
She ventured a guess that many of us would consider it a much more noble thing to love than to be loved. I remembered, for example, the famous Franciscan prayer and song where I pray to never seek "to be loved" so much "as to love with all my soul..."
Yet her reflection grew much, much deeper. When it comes to our fellow travellers, our children, our spouse, our friends, our enemies--this sentiment of loving first holds. We must seek not their love, but to love. Or as Blessed Teresa of Calcutta said, "Where you do not find love, put in love, and you will draw out love!"
But if your own tank is empty, where are you going to get the gas to fill up someone else?
Katie suggested that when frustration comes our way and we find ourselves unable to love, it is because we are laying hold to love in the wrong order. We think that we must love first in order to be lovable. We think we must be well in order to go to the physician (see Mark 2:17).
She proposed that it is far more important for we humans to know deeply we are loved than to love. In fact, when Jesus gives the commandment to love, he does so only in reference to his own love for us: "Love one another as I have loved you." (John 13:34) It is impossible for us to do all God asks of us, if we don't live and experience and trust in that merciful love each day.
It is probably the greatest trick that the devil ever pulled off to make the core proclamation of the Gospel - that God loves you - sound like a platitude.
"Which is the most important thing: to love or to be loved?"
She ventured a guess that many of us would consider it a much more noble thing to love than to be loved. I remembered, for example, the famous Franciscan prayer and song where I pray to never seek "to be loved" so much "as to love with all my soul..."
Yet her reflection grew much, much deeper. When it comes to our fellow travellers, our children, our spouse, our friends, our enemies--this sentiment of loving first holds. We must seek not their love, but to love. Or as Blessed Teresa of Calcutta said, "Where you do not find love, put in love, and you will draw out love!"
But if your own tank is empty, where are you going to get the gas to fill up someone else?
Katie suggested that when frustration comes our way and we find ourselves unable to love, it is because we are laying hold to love in the wrong order. We think that we must love first in order to be lovable. We think we must be well in order to go to the physician (see Mark 2:17).
She proposed that it is far more important for we humans to know deeply we are loved than to love. In fact, when Jesus gives the commandment to love, he does so only in reference to his own love for us: "Love one another as I have loved you." (John 13:34) It is impossible for us to do all God asks of us, if we don't live and experience and trust in that merciful love each day.
It is probably the greatest trick that the devil ever pulled off to make the core proclamation of the Gospel - that God loves you - sound like a platitude.
So many complaints about
catechesis over the past 50 years center around the fact that we traded in the
"real" catechesis for the fluffy "you are special" and
"God loves you" catechesis, and yet, this is the most fundamental and
important truth.
If we are looking for reasons of the failure of catechesis, I would say that the finger should not be pointed so much at the lack of moral formation (how well we love others), but of a failure in initial evangelization (how deeply we understand that we are loved). No moral formation (parenesis) will ever be successful without a firm grounding in this first and always primary proclamation (kerygma) which gives us joy!
This proclamation of mercy should be not only on the lips of priests and catechists, but of each and every one of us. Yet before these words can be truly sounded, they must echo deep in our own hearts. We must know deeply that we ourselves are loved in a radical, unconditional way. As my dear friend Tom always says, "Nemo dat, quo non habet."
In plain English, "You can't give it, if you don't got it!"
Monday, August 17, 2015
John 6:66
After many many weeks of hearing in the Gospel of John about Jesus being the "bread of life" we get to the crux of it: the decision point. Jesus is saying something that he knows is hard to understand, hard to believe: that "unless you eat my flesh and drink my blood you shall not have life within you."
He just fed 5000 men and untold numbers of women and children with 5 loaves and 2 fish. Then, right after that, he walked on water. Over the course of about 24 hours, he's demonstrated powerfully that he can do amazing things that are hard to understand and hard to believe. Yet when he said, "my flesh is true food" and "my blood is true drink," it proved too much for many of his followers.
Probably the roughest (and most ominously numbered) verse in all scripture follows: John 6:66.
"As a result of this, many [of] his disciples returned to their former way of life and no longer accompanied him."
But there are some who stayed.
They didn't stay because it was easy to understand, or because it was easy to belive. Peter intones my favorite words (that are not spoken by Jesus) in all of the Gospels:
"Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of everlasting life." John 6:68
It has not always been true that I believed and followed the teachings of the Church because they were easy to understand or believe. Sometimes I just had to follow because there was simply no better alternative. I echoed Peter in my heart as I prayed to God, "Lord, to my human wisdom this doesn't make sense, but without you, nothing makes sense, so I choose to follow you anyway."
As time has gone on, clarity and a deepening of my understanding of the gift of the Eucharist and many of the more difficult to understand teachings of the Church has found its way into my heart. Peter's faith-filled response has been my cry and my safeguard when the doubts and darkness threaten to overcome my belief or to tempt me to follow my own conceptions of what Jesus should have said or meant.
I pray for all who struggle with this belief in the True Presence of Christ in the Eucharist. It may not be an easy teaching to understand, but it is HIS teaching, and he continues each day to prove himself trustworthy. Remain with him, even as you struggle. When you are tempted to return to your former way of life, let Peter's cry be your protection.
"Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of everlasting life." John 6:68
He just fed 5000 men and untold numbers of women and children with 5 loaves and 2 fish. Then, right after that, he walked on water. Over the course of about 24 hours, he's demonstrated powerfully that he can do amazing things that are hard to understand and hard to believe. Yet when he said, "my flesh is true food" and "my blood is true drink," it proved too much for many of his followers.
Probably the roughest (and most ominously numbered) verse in all scripture follows: John 6:66.
"As a result of this, many [of] his disciples returned to their former way of life and no longer accompanied him."
But there are some who stayed.
They didn't stay because it was easy to understand, or because it was easy to belive. Peter intones my favorite words (that are not spoken by Jesus) in all of the Gospels:
"Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of everlasting life." John 6:68
It has not always been true that I believed and followed the teachings of the Church because they were easy to understand or believe. Sometimes I just had to follow because there was simply no better alternative. I echoed Peter in my heart as I prayed to God, "Lord, to my human wisdom this doesn't make sense, but without you, nothing makes sense, so I choose to follow you anyway."
As time has gone on, clarity and a deepening of my understanding of the gift of the Eucharist and many of the more difficult to understand teachings of the Church has found its way into my heart. Peter's faith-filled response has been my cry and my safeguard when the doubts and darkness threaten to overcome my belief or to tempt me to follow my own conceptions of what Jesus should have said or meant.
I pray for all who struggle with this belief in the True Presence of Christ in the Eucharist. It may not be an easy teaching to understand, but it is HIS teaching, and he continues each day to prove himself trustworthy. Remain with him, even as you struggle. When you are tempted to return to your former way of life, let Peter's cry be your protection.
"Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of everlasting life." John 6:68
Monday, August 10, 2015
Sandcastles in December
Is it a surprise to anyone that parenting is hard? Growing up, I thought it looked relatively easy from the kid side, and if my parents would have asked me, I could have given them some simple pointers on all the ways that they could have done it better. ("Just you wait," Mom would tell me).
I would say that the biggest parenting surprise did not come in how hard it was to BE a parent, but how hard it was for ME to be a parent.
After listening patiently for a while, she diagnosed my problem with three words. She said that it sounded like I was trying to build sandcastles in December.
She'd heard the analogy somehwere describing how the human heart gets so restless with reality, that it spends its best energy longing for what it doesn't and really can't have right now. In December, you are miserably cold trying to build sandcastles on the beach, and in July, you are frustrated with longing for sledding and snowmen.
It was like that for me and my mothering. Rather than experiencing the joys that season in my life had to offer, I was jealously coveting the pleasures and joys of a mom with older children or even grown children.
Carefully avoiding any reference to country music,
I would say that the biggest parenting surprise did not come in how hard it was to BE a parent, but how hard it was for ME to be a parent.
I really thought I would nail this thing.
I mean, I wanted to be a mom. I got married thinking I would have a gaggle of little ones. It was all I wanted. When reality hit hard after about 5 years, I remember being so dazed that I couldn't figure out what was going on. Was the problem that my darling daughters were not the sweet little baby dolls that I expected, or was it something deeper in me that just wasn't adjusting to this "mother thing?" I felt trapped.
I called a veteran mom friend to beg for some perspective. I didn't want to hear another country music song about how I'm going to want this time back, I wanted to know why I didn't want this dream anymore. What was wrong with me that I couldn't find joy in my mothering?
I mean, I wanted to be a mom. I got married thinking I would have a gaggle of little ones. It was all I wanted. When reality hit hard after about 5 years, I remember being so dazed that I couldn't figure out what was going on. Was the problem that my darling daughters were not the sweet little baby dolls that I expected, or was it something deeper in me that just wasn't adjusting to this "mother thing?" I felt trapped.
I called a veteran mom friend to beg for some perspective. I didn't want to hear another country music song about how I'm going to want this time back, I wanted to know why I didn't want this dream anymore. What was wrong with me that I couldn't find joy in my mothering?
After listening patiently for a while, she diagnosed my problem with three words. She said that it sounded like I was trying to build sandcastles in December.
She'd heard the analogy somehwere describing how the human heart gets so restless with reality, that it spends its best energy longing for what it doesn't and really can't have right now. In December, you are miserably cold trying to build sandcastles on the beach, and in July, you are frustrated with longing for sledding and snowmen.
It was like that for me and my mothering. Rather than experiencing the joys that season in my life had to offer, I was jealously coveting the pleasures and joys of a mom with older children or even grown children.
Carefully avoiding any reference to country music,
my wise friend counselled me that God gives us the present moment as a beautiful gift and that I will only receive that gift when I embrace it with open arms.
No matter what our current station in life, working hard or retired, single, widowed, married with grown children or longing for children, or being reminded by every grocery store checker that "you sure have your hands full," don't miss the joys of the present because you want another season's gifts. God has abundant JOY for us and for our families today that is just for us in our own season of life.
No matter what our current station in life, working hard or retired, single, widowed, married with grown children or longing for children, or being reminded by every grocery store checker that "you sure have your hands full," don't miss the joys of the present because you want another season's gifts. God has abundant JOY for us and for our families today that is just for us in our own season of life.
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Why? vs. What Now?
Sometimes when I am talking to my children, bits of wisdom come out of my mouth and I have no idea where they came from. I usually give the credit to my mom, or any one of my brilliant and holy friends, or, of course, Catholic radio. Sometimes I'll even remember reading it somewhere in a book written by a saint or other holy person. So you have been informed. Pretty much nothing I ever say in this column is original, it is all pilfered from much holier and more intelligent folk. All the better for you.
Well, in the last few months, we were dealing with a difficult situation in our family. There were some serious moments where the "whys" were sapping up so much strength and energy that it was difficult to focus on anything else. In talking to one of my girls who was really struggling to put words to the "whys."
I stopped her. "God is not in the 'why'," I told her, "He's in the 'What Now?'"
I realized, after wondering what on earth made me say that, that this insight was a powerful synthesis of many lessons I've been learning over the past years.
It is seldom, if ever, peaceful to look back on the past and lament over why we fell, why we or others chose so poorly, or why a tragedy may have happened. The tough subject of why there is evil in the world and why I (who should know better) participate in it sometimes, is one that philosphers and theologians will wrestle with until the end of time. Even with some of the big questions answered, "Original Sin" doesn't seem that satisfying of an answer when you make a serious mistake, when someone you love hurts you, or when someone you trusted betrays you...
The answer is often simply that sometimes we don't get to know why. It is humbling. It is limiting. Sorry, child, you and I don't get to be omnipotent.
But always, always, we can pray for light to know what to do next. We don't have to waste our time and prolong our grief or brooding by dwelling too long on why things aren't different. God is here now, in this particular situation. He may not give us light to see our path for the next ten years, but if we are honest, we have never been left without light enough to know what to do for the next ten minutes.
After the tragedy on 9/11, I heard a reporter interviewing a Catholic priest about why God allows evil. His answer was so simple and confident: "So that God can bring a greater good out of it." To what "greater good" is God calling and leading us? We can't know that if we are only looking backward.
I realized, after wondering what on earth made me say that, that this insight was a powerful synthesis of many lessons I've been learning over the past years.
It is seldom, if ever, peaceful to look back on the past and lament over why we fell, why we or others chose so poorly, or why a tragedy may have happened. The tough subject of why there is evil in the world and why I (who should know better) participate in it sometimes, is one that philosphers and theologians will wrestle with until the end of time. Even with some of the big questions answered, "Original Sin" doesn't seem that satisfying of an answer when you make a serious mistake, when someone you love hurts you, or when someone you trusted betrays you...
The answer is often simply that sometimes we don't get to know why. It is humbling. It is limiting. Sorry, child, you and I don't get to be omnipotent.
But always, always, we can pray for light to know what to do next. We don't have to waste our time and prolong our grief or brooding by dwelling too long on why things aren't different. God is here now, in this particular situation. He may not give us light to see our path for the next ten years, but if we are honest, we have never been left without light enough to know what to do for the next ten minutes.
After the tragedy on 9/11, I heard a reporter interviewing a Catholic priest about why God allows evil. His answer was so simple and confident: "So that God can bring a greater good out of it." To what "greater good" is God calling and leading us? We can't know that if we are only looking backward.
So, taking advantage of the gift of Reconciliation if we need it, we must walk in trust, peace of heart, and faith whatever path you can see ahead. God will show us the "what now" once we leave the "whys" behind us.
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