Sandcastles in December

Is it a surprise to anyone that parenting is hard? Growing up, I thought it looked relatively easy from the kid side, and if my parents would have asked me, I could have given them some simple pointers on all the ways that they could have done it better. ("Just you wait," Mom would tell me).

I would say that the biggest parenting surprise did not come in how hard it was to BE a parent, but how hard it was for ME to be a parent.

I really thought I would nail this thing.

I mean, I wanted to be a mom. I got married thinking I would have a gaggle of little ones. It was all I wanted. When reality hit hard after about 5 years, I remember being so dazed that I couldn't figure out what was going on. Was the problem that my darling daughters were not the sweet little baby dolls that I expected, or was it something deeper in me that just wasn't adjusting to this "mother thing?" I felt trapped.

I called a veteran mom friend to beg for some perspective. I didn't want to hear another country music song about how I'm going to want this time back, I wanted to know why I didn't want this dream anymore. What was wrong with me that I couldn't find joy in my mothering?

After listening patiently for a while, she diagnosed my problem with three words. She said that it sounded like I was trying to build sandcastles in December.

She'd heard the analogy somehwere describing how the human heart gets so restless with reality, that it spends its best energy longing for what it doesn't and really can't have right now. In December, you are miserably cold trying to build sandcastles on the beach, and in July, you are frustrated with longing for sledding and snowmen.

It was like that for me and my mothering. Rather than experiencing the joys that season in my life had to offer, I was jealously coveting the pleasures and joys of a mom with older children or even grown children.

Carefully avoiding any reference to country music,

my wise friend counselled me that God gives us the present moment as a beautiful gift and that I will only receive that gift when I embrace it with open arms.

No matter what our current station in life, working hard or retired, single, widowed, married with grown children or longing for children, or being reminded by every grocery store checker that "you sure have your hands full," don't miss the joys of the present because you want another season's gifts. God has abundant JOY for us and for our families today that is just for us in our own season of life.